Going to add a maybe controversial thing but:
Women who are attracted to men but also don’t like penetrative sex - and I’m definitely + explicitly + it’s very much the point including vaginal penetrative sex here - are also perfectly within their rights to have that boundary and to have it respected.
Straight or bisexual women, cis or trans women, doesn’t matter - I feel like womanhood is often equated with enjoying penetration. But it’s not. Your identity doesn’t dictate what you like sexually. And what you like sexually doesn’t dictate your identity.
And I think especially for women who are attracted to men, enjoying penetrative sex is considered such a must that many of us don’t even question it - to the point that a) not wanting it is considered a medical issue by itself and b) with many medical complications or conditions or even psychological reasons that someone might find vaginal penetration painful, the first concern is often not even to fix the underlying issue or even to make that kind of sex pleasurable - but to make her “functional” for her partner again. (Prized example: The husband-stitch. Generally, I hear so often from women whose partners got impatient with their recovery after they gave birth and who felt pressured to have vaginal sex before they felt like it.)
So I just want to say:
Womanhood does not equal enjoying penetration.
Being AFAB doesn’t equal enjoying penetration.
Being attracted to men doesn’t equal enjoying penetration.
What you enjoy sexually is not a matter of your identity. It’s only a matter of what you enjoy and what you and your partner(s) genuinely want to do.
And actually, yes, this specifically goes out to heterosexual cis women in particular: Even if you never ever ever want to have vaginal penetrative sex - that’s perfectly fine. You are perfectly within your rights to have that boundary. And no man has any right to force you. And calling you “uptight” or “vanilla” or “weird” or “but you own a dildo” or “It’ll be good with me, I swear!” - that’s a way of forcing you. He has two options a) accept your boundary and find a different way to have sex b) accept your boundary and go home.
If there is an underlying medical issue like cysts or if you have vaginismus that diminishes your quality of life - of course I recommend seeing a doctor. And if you have experienced trauma, I recommend therapy. All of which should be focussed on helping you with the things that you deem important - and not what your partner or a potential partner deems important.
But if you simply just don’t want to have penetrative sex - then don’t. Nothing is wrong with you. No one has any right to force you.
We often say “don’t do anal if you don’t want to”, “don’t do oral if you don’t want to” - and those are very, very true! But I feel like we don’t say “don’t do vaginal if you don’t want to” or “don’t have penetrative sex at all if you don’t want to” often enough to women - because it’s such an expectation that everyone would enjoy it.
And also, you don’t owe anyone an explanation. Sometimes, trauma is a reason - but if you have experienced trauma, you’re not obligated to tell your partner the details of it to justify not wanting to have that kind of sex. “No” is a full sentence. Sometimes the fear of pregnancy or contraception failing is a reason - and that’s also to be respected.
And if you don’t have any reason related to trauma or a medical condition - you’re still perfectly within your rights to have that boundary respected. Sex is supposed to feel good for both partners involved. And any partner who doesn’t care about your boundaries or pressures you - is for the streets. Gotta go. Is an ex. Shoo. Out. Over.
man I’m so glad curries can be microwaved tastily
this world would be considerably worse if they couldn’t
ok. maybe I should wait until tomorrow to edit this nearly 7k monstrosity of a chapter bc I am fucking Tired
conducting a new experiment called maintaining a normal conversation. i’ll let you know how it goes
brought up the eel sex discovery again :/
speaking of: did you guys know that the mystery of eel breeding has finally been discovered??
the reproduction of eels has been a mystery since ancient fucking greece and they JUST discovered how they do it. scientists followed european eels that migrated thousands of kilometers from freshwater streams and rivers to the Sargasso sea (which is by north america) where the females released millions of eggs into the water and the males fertalized them and then the eels just died. because appearantly thats the end of their lifespan.
its insane. its bonkers. ALL european and american eels reproduce IN THE SAME PLACE. european eels swim across the north atlantic ocean just to reproduce. these eels live for about 20 years and go through multiple complex life stages but they begin and end their lives in the same place, despite how far they travel. and god dont get me started on other species of eels-
I’m with op - this is utterly mind-blowing every time I think about it. I did not know that some female eels from Europe were fitted with trackers a few years ago and six of them were confirmed to have reached the Sargasso Sea. Anyway, a couple of good articles for anyone who wants to be amazed.
